Shane Walsh. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
keepsthemsafe) wrote2012-12-13 10:21 am
keepsthemsafe) wrote2012-12-13 10:21 am
[Private Audio to the Admiral]
[Shane sounds just plain tired]
Admiral -
Here's the thing.
I ain't written to Santa ever since I was about seven and I caught dad eatin' cookies downstairs after I'd set um' out. For what it's worth maybe I shouldn't have gone over t'tell Rick first thing that morning since his dad looked ready t'throttle me for ruining their holiday traditions.
Seein' however how Christmas back home seems t'have stopped existing however. I ain't entirely sure anyone else is deserving of holiday cheer if kids like Carl gotta grow up bein' paranoid somethin' is going to sneak out of the bushes and eat um'.
Not t'mention Sophia.
[That's hard to address. Very hard. He frowns, unseen. Sophia.]
I ain't never wished a walker attack on anyone but if you could see it in your heart to bring five or six here so that these smug - arrogant - awful...
[Nope. Nope. The sudden irrational bout of anger is gone.] I didn' mean that. Please don't bring any walkers here although if you snatched up my sorry ass I have a feelin' you could.
I don' want that.
...Instead howabout you give Waffle Lady somethin' nice t'make waffles with. You know the one I mean. That nice gal'. Also one of those ihop syrup sampler things they have in the restaurants with all the different flavors?
[what she gets is said sampler set and a waffle iron that says "PAWNEE INDIANA" and imprints it into every single waffle.]
Give Dracula somethin' nice. I ain' entirely sure he's dracula but if he is...Give him the movies. You know the ones with Bela Legosi? Maybe he can go kick his ass or somethin' for stealin' his game.
[Included also in that is a copy of "Plan 9 from outer space" and "Ed Wood" because the Admiral is nothing if not hilarious]
Give that guy Tommy somethin' nice. Guy seems t'need more friends or somethin' so give him somethin' to facilitate that like.. [finger snap] Foosball.
[Smaller one, then a full on table but it's a conversation starter to say the least]
Give Cashmere, that model chick...give her somethin' pretty. Diamonds or something in somethin' she might remember.
[And Cash gets diamonds...but because Shane is non specific, the admiral is horrible, and I am awful - they are diamonds set in a shape she mind remember - a Victor's crown.]
Can you give that Kid, Kid Blue somethin' t'make himself feel better? drugs or his gun or somethin' that he's on.
...And I honestly ain't sayin' this to be a dick but please for the love of everythin' good and holy in the great state of Georgia and the united states in this and every other god-damned universe. Give every single warden a badge.
I don't know the specifics. I don't know if you'll even do that, but there's gotta be some kinda goddamn system. You bring in new guys great, give them a badge too. Tell um to wear it in crisis situations so people will know who the fuck to turn to insteada just makin' loud and angry posts demandin' some kind of attention.
And for that matter if y'can find a copy of the Georgia state correctinal facility handbook give every single warden that too. No inmates. Not big blue asshole or anybody like that. Just wardens so they can goddamn organize please?
[I DON'T EVEN KNOW but it'd be hilarious if people got badge stickers and then "The big coloring book of how to run a prison" or something. OR SQUEAKY BADGES. Like dogtoys?]
Speakin' of big blue asshole...lump of coal. Get him a big ole greasy lump of coal.
And make sure Carl and Lori are safe.
And make sure that if Rick wants t'be the goddamn leader so bad he'd better keep them safe and keep our people safe otherwise I'll find him.
...Thanks.
Admiral -
Here's the thing.
I ain't written to Santa ever since I was about seven and I caught dad eatin' cookies downstairs after I'd set um' out. For what it's worth maybe I shouldn't have gone over t'tell Rick first thing that morning since his dad looked ready t'throttle me for ruining their holiday traditions.
Seein' however how Christmas back home seems t'have stopped existing however. I ain't entirely sure anyone else is deserving of holiday cheer if kids like Carl gotta grow up bein' paranoid somethin' is going to sneak out of the bushes and eat um'.
Not t'mention Sophia.
[That's hard to address. Very hard. He frowns, unseen. Sophia.]
I ain't never wished a walker attack on anyone but if you could see it in your heart to bring five or six here so that these smug - arrogant - awful...
[Nope. Nope. The sudden irrational bout of anger is gone.] I didn' mean that. Please don't bring any walkers here although if you snatched up my sorry ass I have a feelin' you could.
I don' want that.
...Instead howabout you give Waffle Lady somethin' nice t'make waffles with. You know the one I mean. That nice gal'. Also one of those ihop syrup sampler things they have in the restaurants with all the different flavors?
[what she gets is said sampler set and a waffle iron that says "PAWNEE INDIANA" and imprints it into every single waffle.]
Give Dracula somethin' nice. I ain' entirely sure he's dracula but if he is...Give him the movies. You know the ones with Bela Legosi? Maybe he can go kick his ass or somethin' for stealin' his game.
[Included also in that is a copy of "Plan 9 from outer space" and "Ed Wood" because the Admiral is nothing if not hilarious]
Give that guy Tommy somethin' nice. Guy seems t'need more friends or somethin' so give him somethin' to facilitate that like.. [finger snap] Foosball.
[Smaller one, then a full on table but it's a conversation starter to say the least]
Give Cashmere, that model chick...give her somethin' pretty. Diamonds or something in somethin' she might remember.
[And Cash gets diamonds...but because Shane is non specific, the admiral is horrible, and I am awful - they are diamonds set in a shape she mind remember - a Victor's crown.]
Can you give that Kid, Kid Blue somethin' t'make himself feel better? drugs or his gun or somethin' that he's on.
...And I honestly ain't sayin' this to be a dick but please for the love of everythin' good and holy in the great state of Georgia and the united states in this and every other god-damned universe. Give every single warden a badge.
I don't know the specifics. I don't know if you'll even do that, but there's gotta be some kinda goddamn system. You bring in new guys great, give them a badge too. Tell um to wear it in crisis situations so people will know who the fuck to turn to insteada just makin' loud and angry posts demandin' some kind of attention.
And for that matter if y'can find a copy of the Georgia state correctinal facility handbook give every single warden that too. No inmates. Not big blue asshole or anybody like that. Just wardens so they can goddamn organize please?
[I DON'T EVEN KNOW but it'd be hilarious if people got badge stickers and then "The big coloring book of how to run a prison" or something. OR SQUEAKY BADGES. Like dogtoys?]
Speakin' of big blue asshole...lump of coal. Get him a big ole greasy lump of coal.
And make sure Carl and Lori are safe.
And make sure that if Rick wants t'be the goddamn leader so bad he'd better keep them safe and keep our people safe otherwise I'll find him.
...Thanks.