keepsthemsafe | Firsty Entry

[Barge, here is Shane. Sitting in zero wearing his shirt, left open, rubbing his head looking contrite. When he speaks, it's in a southern drawl with an edge to it, he hasn't had to soften his words in a long time.]

Hello to space ship rehab, home of zombies [Yes the word is mis-pronounced], bad ass blonde ladies who want to be cops apparently and...safety.

[This is so weird, Shane folds his hands in front of him.] My name is Shane Walsh, broadcastin' from...the hole. Or at least your equivalent of the hole because I made a little bit of a mistake an' attacked a guy when I arrived. In my defense, I thought he was a walker - no excuse me a zoombie simply because...

[zoombies are everywhere].

I'm given to understand however that this place has no walkers that are ready to attack, no rovin' bands of people lookin' to harm what's yours, and there's no demented CDC doctor waitin' til this place counts the fuck down before filling the air with some kind of anti-disease measure that will literally burn us all alive. Is this correct?

If I'm wrong about any of these things, I would appreciate a head's up or some kind of warning. Either way, I wish to issue an apology to the guy who I beat. [He sounds sincere.] You don't know me and I don't know you, and it ain't fair for a man to take advantage of another in a moment of weakness so...I apologize for harmin' you. Think of it like spookin' a horse, 'cept this horse shoulda known better.

[Yep. He nods. He can be a big man about this.]

So I'm honestly curious. Is there actually no-strings attached alcohol and food here along with hot water?

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..Plannin' on blowin' anybody up because your dead wife's sacrifice [Pause] may she rest in peace can't save humanity so you'll just die in a big buncha fire because you've given up on life?

[Dean blinks but, not one to be out-Fuck-You'd in any genre, nods shortly and rolls with it.]

At ease, soldier. Officer. Agent. [He considers for a moment, then shakes his head.] Strike agent. Anyway: how long's it been going on?

...Hey, I could be a fuckin' agent. I coulda. [No you couldn't Shane you barely passed the academy.]

A year. almost two.

You've lost me.

I don't plan on taking anyone with me though, no.

[This is a lie. He will take the entire Barge if he can manage it as one last 'fuck you.']

[Shane is beyond suspicious] Uh huh. Right.

A walker? [He glances up, interested.]

...A - zoombie. [emphasis on the zoo and the mbie] or whatever the fuck you call um. that's a really stupid name.

Zombies? Yeah? No shit. [There's a definite sort-of-smirk on his face, but he doesn't laugh. Not that he's planning on sharing his own past but, hell, if his world has aliens, why not zombies in another?] So you got zapped straight out of Dawn of the Dead to this tub.

Might as well be. [ Smirk. ] They're all turkeys. Dumb as shit. [ Oh, wait, Shane doesn't know what a Looper is. ] Guys like Joe that kill people that'd been sent back in time from the future.

The Barge is keeping me alive. I'll do what I have to.

[Guys like Joe that kill people that'd been sent back in time from the future.

Shane digests this]

...Are you fucking high.

...the fuck is dawn of the dead.

Why, you got anything?

...No man I don' got anything. That kind of shit is going to fuck your head up and make you crazy!

I'm fine.

...You ain't if you're talking about Loopers.

Yeah, you're right. Shouldn't waste my breath on those two-bit idiots.

you really hate those guys huh? Why?

Lower on the totem pole, bucko. I reckon the only reason Abe keeps 'em around is 'cause they're stupider than a bag of rocks. Real easy to control, real easy to get away with. Temporary.

Gatmen? We're the best of the fuckin' best. Fuck Loopers, those blunderbusses are for pussies.

...what the fuck is a blunderbus and what the fuck..

It's like talkin' to a guy on a kid's fuckin' TV show.

Uh huh. [All the belief, Shane. No really.

Aaaaaand Dean is totally not going to be reacting to that at all, instead he goes with his usual standby coping mechanism:]

So, you'd be the guy to ask about the shelf life of Twinkies, then.

25 days.

[there's something dark in his look] there's not...a lot of processed food left. Most've what we get is in cans. Corn, beans, that kind of thing. Then whatever meat we can find.

Blunderbuss is a piece o' shit gun all the Loopers use. Can't hit anything beyond 10 feet, can't miss what's in that radius.

[ You might be able to see it, but Kid's going through the motions. It's not quite a tick, it's a subconscious thing--he's spinning an invisible gun. ] Now Gats? Gats are for men. Based offa old guns the old folks used to use, maybe 30 years ago.

30 years ago from when? What year you from?

44.

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